Dilemma ...new house or not

So now the moment of truth dawns, the day of real deciding if we can really do this. We need to put a deposit down on the house in Cambourne and suddenly Richard starts getting all arsey about paying for things and yet for three weeks I have been checking with him as to if we can afford it and stressing and saying I can pay for nothing until my debts are paid off. Now at the moment when its almost too late he starts reading about it and making workings outs etc. This is just so typical whereas he could have read the material for the last two bloody weeks.

Can we afford it? Is it real? Has all the build up and excitement been for nothing? Will I one day read this and remember it all as a nice day dream while still sitting in good old Harlow? Will I one day read this while under a cloud of scarily high debt or will I one day read this while sitting in my lovely new house in Cambourne knowing I made the right or rather we made the right decision?

On paper we can do it? On paper our outgoings will not be any more that we pay already between us but but the reality is we are increasing our debt from £36 thousand to £171 thousand which is a massively scary figure and I am not sure that Magical mortgage man Andrew has really worked out a realistic sum for us.

He really was like a magician with numbers, his fingures whirling over the calculator and numbers muttering under his breath saying we can do this if we move this to this etc. Meanwhle Richard and I sat there like dumb mutes in stupified admiration just watching and barely able to keep up with it all. We were like lambs to the slaughter of his magical workings out and all the time the thoughts in my head were if it seems to good to be true then it probably is.

Yet here we are three weeks down the line with prospective lettings agencies willing to take our house and rent it out and mortgage companies calculating how much they will loan us and us planning tomorrow to look at new carpet for here and to visit the site on Sunday to plan our new kitchen!!

Will it happen? Can we make it happen and more importantly should we make it happen? Scared? Completely. Challenged? Absoloutely. Want to press ahead and make it happen? You bet. We only have one life and I don't want to die regretting not trying.

This time next year......

I find I am searching or looking for something and not knowing what it is until suddenly and shockingly and sadly I realise I am looking for Molly and of course I am never going to find her again.

Some of the details for the mortgage arrived yesterday via email. Interest only on the new house, so Richard was right. It all looks and feels a bit scary and in true typical fashion although I have pay slips for July and June I cannot find April or May!! They also want bank statements which is worrying as mine all show dipping heavily into overdraft. The big question behind all this is can we afford it?

Turning this house into the buy to let sounds wonderful on paper but in reality it will cost us money to start with. We need inspections and certificates, starting up costs etc. I suppose I should work out a start up budget and see if that is affordable.

I do fanatasize about moving to the new house. The lovely big kitchen/family room which will actually be my garden room and I plan to sit by the open door looking out into the garden.

We must do this I cannot bear to stay in this town another year.

This time next year I will be posting a blog from the kitchen of my new house!!

Moving and this time next year - a prediction

Still all feeling sad about Molly. We come into a room and expect her to be waiting to greet us. I hear a noise and think its her, I see a shadow out of the corner of my eye and expect it to be her. I am still in a state of disbelief that she is no more and I can't look at her photo without wanting to cry. I just want to hold her and feel her purr and her gentle ears and her head under my chin and I can't anymore ever again and thats what hurts. Richard suggested we held a memorial and I will look for a cat statue to put in the garden so we have somewhere to focus our grief and remember her by.

Poor Molly has quite put into the shadow the big news of the moment which is should we sell up, get ourselves into debt and move? We are looking at a new development not far from a beautiful city with lots of arts, education, beautiful buildings and water. The development is built around the ideas of a village and set within the countryside. I've done quite exhaustive research thanks to the internet and spoken the chair of the parish council who told me lots of interesting things and scarily we now have a house on hold and a mortgage advisor rushing around finding us all kinds of mortgages etc. Suddenly our rather safe and slow pace of life seems to be out of control and if it all goes ahead we will suddenly find we own two houses one of which we will rent out.

Speaking to Karen today was useful as she knows lots about housing and she thinks we are doing the right thing. The internet backs up the mortgage advisor and although in the back of my head I am saying if it feels to good to be true it probably is the other part of me is saying just go for it and don't live a life of regrets through taking risks.

I dream of this house with its large kitchen/family room that goes out onto the garden. I have a green colour scheme that will compliment the garden outside and with pots around the french windows and light green arm chairs or sofa surrounded by books and flowers and cooking. To me that would be the perfect room. Books, plants/flowers/cooking ..what else could you need?

The sitting room upstairs could be kept nice and for music, tv and reading and socialising although lots of socialising could also be down stairs.

Having your own bedroom with onsuite would be fantastic and again mine would be light and airy with books and feminine things.

The local community has lots of new clubs and organisations forming from running clubs for Richard to history and art clubs for me. Its set within the countryside so we could get a dog and go for long walks just a stone throw from home.

Working hard would bring its rewards of living in a lovely place with good neighbours and interesting things to do. I am excited and nervous and want things to get a move on because I don't want to live here anymore but at the same time feeling scared. This time next year I will be there!!