emails hacked into!!

Some bloody virus thingy got into my email account and sent an email to all my contacts!! Including old yot contacts, police, members of the womens' institute and old friends who are no longer so friendly. I feel very embarrassed and worried that it may cause further problems.
Woke up to that worry on top of yesterdays worry caused by myself telling a work colleague to take a 'chill pill' in an email that had been copied into a lead body. Needless to say the work colleague has made an official complaint...my first in my career.
The annoying thing was as I sent it I knew it would cause problems and I knew I was making mischief so why did I do it? Do I have a destruct button or a something that wants to break what I have so carefully nurtured all these years which is a good professional approach to work? All in jeapardy because basically I was showing off in front of others.

Anyway the day has been long and challenging with lots of mediating and arbitrating between groups today and although the weather has been gloriously sunny and bright I am now tired and sticky and bit headachy. I might go and see if there is some wine although I fear I may just fall fast asleep.

A holiday whilst being at home

I'd felt dissapointed that Jayne did not come down or up on Friday even though I had predicted that she wouldn't come I still felt upset and hurt. Since the girls had their babies they are her entire world. She lives with them alternately, either by them sharing her bed in her home or her visiting them and sharing their bed in their homes. She never ever spends a night alone or cooks dinner just for herself. I see my boys about once a month may be a little more and may be a little less and I am not saying its ideal but due to distance and stuff and anyway it suits them but I wonder how she would cope. She would hate it and I guess her life will be very different from mine in continuing ways. Have to get used to the fact that another chapter has closed.

Once I got over the fidgety feel the weekend was fine. In fact it was more than fine it was like a little holiday. We eventually went out on Saturday and visited a Raptor centre and watched a display of birds of prey which was pretty good. The falcons and other birds were amazing and its lovely and awe inspiring to see them up close, made me feel quite emotional.
We followed this by a short trip and quick walk around St Ives and looked at the river. Lots of people were enjoying this first real warm weekend by sitting by the river and enjoying a drink. It was all very pleasant and civilised and St Ives is a lovely sleepy riverside town with a statue of Oliver Cromwell in the middle.
Yesterday we got the bus to Cambridge and had a wander around the craft market and a nice lunch in the Eagle. Cambridge was lovely with lots of bustle and hustle and music playing outside and the blossom on the trees, gorgeous.
We finished the weekend by doing some long needed housework together.
I felt like I had been on holiday without having to leave my lovely new home.
I must have looked rested as people commented today on how relaxed I looked and had I been on holiday? So it must be doing me good which is also good.

Been reading up on the fens tonight and might target one of our days out over there soon. I am worried this summer is going to whizz by and I almost resent having to leave home to visit other people. I have already put off a visit to Christine and John and the Whitings and of course different friends and family and can't keep putting people off. I expect the novelty of living here will wane but I want to enjoy it whilst the weather is lovely. Also got two weekends away when I take me mother on holiday...boo hoo.

Feeling vaguely dissatisfied and fidgety. I've scanned through old posts because I do recognise that this is not a new feeling for me and that its a pretty regular occurrance and one that I know will pass. I find inviting people to the house and keeping busykeeps this feeling at bay and weekends like this one looming ahead with no visitors coming (Jay let me down and I've now decided not to ever try and ask her to come again now) anyway tonight Friday I feel fidgety.

I am debating between doing all the housework that needs doing tonight to going on a brief but bracing walk to slouching and watching tv to actually going to bed and reading and having an early night. I don't really want the last two so its a toss of the coin as to the fist two...hold on.

It was heads I go for a walk. Who knows I may come back and then do housework as well.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be feeling better after all I have a lovely house in a lovely area.

We'll probably pop into Cambridge for a wander and I do have some plants to plant and books to read and generally can relax I just need to get into a relaxation mode.
Right off for the walk before it gets dark

Fat and still eating crisps

Why is it that even though I hate how fat I have become, that when I try on clothes from my wardrobe nothing looks right and I look about eight months pregnant and that despite telling myself I must eat sensibly and cut out rubbish despite all this I find myself eating a large, family size packet of cheese and onion crisps!! I'm not even hungry but rather bored and even knowing I will regret every mouthful I still eat more.

The weather has at last changed for the better and part of me wants to get out into my builders rubble and start turning it into a garden and the other feels compelled to sit indoors almost pretending to work or at least be available to work. If I am going to scam off work why at least don't I just enjoy it and do it properly that way I would'nt resort to eating and sleeping the day away.

I just don't seem to be able to focus on work properly at the moment. I think I need a proper working environment or a deadline.

On another note I still love living here. We had a lovely weekend. Didn't have anyone down which is a first for a long time. Richard and I went into town and had a wander, bought some plants and things for the garden, had a nice lunch at Giraffes. There is so much choice of places to buy lunch from in Cambridge.
Yesterday Richard entered into a local race and was joined by a running friend who came over from Marlow and bought with him a bottle of wine and some chocolates for me which was nice. I moved the bins and sat in the sun looking at the mud and planning where to put plants and grass and stuff although as per usual I am impatient for the garden to look nice NOW!!