Winter on the way

Life feels a bit stressful at the moment. My Mum had her masectomy and today found out that she needs either another procedure on the other side or another mastectomy. She is worried about being a nusience which is good of her and at the same time trying to consider what is best for her long term health. Not an easy dicision really and one that will involve all her daughters input or consideration.

Work is very stressful with more and more things being demanded upon us with little time to do things and sitting in the team meeting last week I could feel the pressure building in my head.

Home is mostly okay although this last weekend we had the battle of the bins with Richard and Number 60 fighting over where the bin should stay and her saying to Richard that if he touched her bin again she would call the police!! I managed to quieten things down but I'm not sure for how long.

I am also worried as usual about money although that has not stopped me spending more on lovely purple coats and meals out.

Another stress of course is the uncertainty of my job...will I have one? The spending review will mean a huge cut in public spending especially for local authorities and will I have a job? Who knows.

The weather is changing the nights are getting longer and winter is just around the corner.

I'm just watching the news where they are talking about a magnificent red deer called The Empororer that was shot for the trophy of his antlers. Such a beautiful animal and shot by some stupid rich arrogant twat.

Although this government has only been in power for a few months the difference between rich and poor is already growing wider.

So lots of stress and worries.

Positives include I still love my house, I love living in this area and have had a brilliant 10 months of cultural things, nice meals out and family and friends to stay over etc.

I am healthy. My family apart from mum is healthy.
I am independent and mobile.
I have lovely family and lovely friends.
I am clever and smart and funny.
Life is good.

She has her masectomy tomorrow and I can't imagine what tonight must feel like for her. It easy for male consultants to talk breezily about taking off a breast and expecting a quick almost painless recovery but to a woman it could feel like a disfigurement. Its not like taking out an appendix which doesn't show and my Mum is not the sort to bounce back after anything let alone a mastectomy. I predict months if not years of continued misery and depression for her and those closest to her. Like a pond with a stone plopped into the middle the ripples will be stronger the nearer you are to the centre ie Lisa and then Karen and then me almost by default.
Its quite easy not feeling anything really except I feel like a fraud when people offer me sympathy and then I worry they think me heartless but at the same time I can't possibly explain that for many years all emotion to that women was switched off . The current that flowed from my heart is a dead wire with no power inside anymore.