Grrrr

Well at least and at long last the weather has improved and along with brighter mornings and evenings it all feels a bit spring like. Its still cold but now we have that bright sunshiny cold that makes your heart sing with expectation. I think it makes the birds sing also as I ran/walked over by the lake today I could hear them in the long undergrowth all chirruping away. If you didn't feel the cold you could mistake the day for a hot day in July it was that sort of bird song, it carries in the air and makes you realise you are a visitor to their world.

Ri and I bumble along from one row and disagreement to another. Old habits are hard to break and he is either getting on my nerves with his completely boring conversations which revolve around who is parking where, or how the traffic lights are always red when he comes through or other equally boring and mind numbing and sometimes negative stuff. He never ever looks on the positive. News stories are only there for him to feel better about himself and compare others lives in a negative way. A poor girl and her baby were murdered last week by her schizophrenic boyfriend, well why was she with him as he had mental health problems? He actually blamed the poor girl!
I tell myself that he needs to compare himself favourably to others in order to make himself feel better but its so hard to listen to that all time.

The other thing that happens is there will be some minor crisis and instead of reacting well to it we both fly off the handle each blaming the other and then it turns into a row that goes on and on and results in me slamming my bedroom door and him not talking or sulking which also results in him not eating what ever I have cooked.
God we are boths so infantile and I wish we could get out of these old old habits and change.

I should never have married him. I have nothing in common with him and find his funny odd ways strange and alien even after all this time.

Must look on the positive, must look on the positive.

He is generous and works hard.